Special guest reader

The 'Ask Cell' cast.

Cell: Host/Advisor

Captain Ginyu: Annoying Camera Man

AnthyR: Site owner, Producer

Chang Wufei: Special guest reader for the day

Here we are again, another day, another episode. As usual, both Cell and Ginyu were late, though neither care. And as usual, AnthyR is ranting, wondering why she even puts up with it all. Yep, everything is normal, except for a certain scowling young asian seated angrily next to Cell...

AnthyR: Ok, Seru-chan. Why don't you begin by-

Wufei: What is this? Why is this onna commanding you?

Cell: ...

Captain Ginyu: (from behind the camera) He's right. Why do we listen to you?

AnthyR: (glaring) Listen! This AIN'T no Gundam Wing so you won't be talkin' like that up in here! Got it?!

Captain Ginyu: (laughing) hehe...got milk? That was funny!

Wufei: I refuse to be spoken to like this by a weak onna!

AnthyR: Hey! I'll have you know that I'm not just any onna...I'm the onna producer who invited you here in the first place! Now Cell, please read the first email.

Wufei: The weak onna is in charge?

Cell: Anyway fools, can we get started? I've places to be.

Captain Ginyu: Me too.

Cell: ..I highly doubt that.

Dear Cell,

Hey! I was wondering if you know of any other shrines out there dedicated to you. Also, I have this annoying roommate who I can't kill because it's illegal. Any suggestions?

By the way, *yells* I LOVE YOU CELL! YOu can come up to my room anytime handsome *winks*...but not you Ginyu.

with love,


Captain Ginyu: Hey! Why can't I come up to her room?!

Cell: She obviously prefers me over you.

Captain Ginyu: But why? I mean, look at you! Everyone knows that I'm the best looking thing on here!

AnthyR: 'Thing' is right...

Wufei: (shakes head in exasperation) What is it with you bakas?! (glares at the printout) This is absurd! Besides the fact that I doubt he could even fit in a doorway. Stupid onna... If you want more shrines, then go to the links! There are other places to see this freak.

Captain Ginyu: Right on!

AnthyR: Hey! You can't be rude to the fans...or my Seru-Chan!!

Cell: *ahem*

(Everyone grows quite as Cell turns towards the camera)

Cell: Well. About this 'annoying' roommate. I suggest that you kill her anyway, and when the local authorities come after you....destroy them as well.

AnthyR: NO!

Wufei: Dishonorable fiend!

AnthyR: (steps in front of the camera) Don't listen to him!!! (glares) And Cell, stop promoting violence!!!!! But anyway....sure! There are a generous few shrines of my Seru-chan out there (check the links)...my favorites being Perfection, which is run by one of my ultimate bestest best friends!! (clears throat) Ok. Enough advertising. I'm not a commercial! Next letter!

I defeated you with one hand.thats pritty pathetic cell. i was 11.

You killed my father but you couldnt kill me!!!........11!!!

(shoots anouther beam at cells dying carcass)

~ Gohan~

Cell: (glaring angrily)

Captain Ginyu: AHAHAHAHA!!!! He's right! That is pretty pathetic!

Wufei: You attacked an eleven year old child....and still lost?! Weak, stupid, dishonorable baka!

AnthyR: Hey! That's not very nice! And Gohan! I'm suprised at you!

Cell: (crossing his arms) Hmph. Foolish. And I highly doubt that this was from the real Gohan!!

Captain Ginyu: You're just mad cuz you got beat by a kid.

Cell: (glaring) How many times must I tell you that I was NOT defeated?! It was....circumstances. A temporary setback.

Wufei: It's weak not to admit defeat.

Cell: Why exactly are you here again?!!

AnthyR: Ok, OK! No insulting the guest! We DID invite him afterall....even if he is an arrogant little worm.

Wufei: The weak female insulted me?!

Captain Ginyu: (from behind the camera) That's exactly what I say.

AnthyR: Lets just read another email, ok? (shuffles through the printouts) Whoa! This is a long one...

Okay, I have two letters for the "Ask Cell" show.

Letter #1 Dear Cell, Well, it's about time I've gotten your e-mail address. I've been trying to get a hold of you for months. I have some questions to ask as well as some prasing to do. First off, how much do you know of Dr. Gero? And what would you do if the two of you got the chance to meet? Simple questions, I know, but it can't be too much for his perfect-ness to answer. Also, I know how much you love exagerating about how perfect you are...but what about your imperfect self? Don't you agree that you were the most powerful, cunning, and terrifying thing since Hannible Lector in that form? I would, because that form is my favorite next to your perfect form. Not only was it your first step to becoming "the most powerful thing that has ever lived," but you did so much more in your first form than you did in your perfect form. Now, if you're wondering why I've been trying to contact you for months, it's because there's a rather important question I wanted to ask you. At the risk of being hunted down and stalked mercylessly by AnthyR...I'm in love with you, I have been for a little over a year now. You're so strong, and powerful, and cute, and buff, and smart...here is my question. Will you marry me? (Phew, I finally said it...) If yes, I'm the happiest #1 fan of Cell in the world. If no, I understand...I've been turned down by great guys like you before and I can handle it. *sniff* Thank you for reading my letter. I'm a fan of yours forever! ^^


Letter #2 Dear Captain Ginyuu, Seeing as how you don't get any letters, here's one for you. Sorry, no questions, no praises or comments, and not even an insult. Just these few sentences. There, are you happy now?


Cell: (smirking)

AnthyR: What the...?! (jaw drops)

Wufei: What is it that's irresistable about this baka?

Captain Ginyu: I finally got a letter!!!!!! But I'm not happy at all! No one ever asks me to marry them!! And how come I didn't get any questions?

Cell: (still smirking) Well, Masquarade. It's natural for you to have these feelings of me. Afterall. I am the Perfect being. And as for your questions...I know everything about Gero. He was my beloved creator afterall. And had I ever met him, I certainly would have absorbed him. I'm quite sure he would have wanted to help me attain perfection in any way possible...

Wufei: Dishonor....

AnthyR: (glaring) Well you can't honestly be surprised...

Captain Ginyu: I'm not.

Cell: I'm not done.

(Everyone grows quiet, with Ginyu and Wufei scowling and AnthyR strangely silent.)

Cell: (continuing) As for my imperfect self, I suppose I did manage to cause more trouble in that form...I was, however, FAR from perfection. (smirks) But I suppose everyone needs a stepping stone.

AnthyR: Hmph! If you ask me, I preferred your second imperfect form!

Cell: ....

Wufei: Silence onna! Did anyone here ask for your opinion?

Captain Ginyu: I sure didn't.

Cell: And as for your proposal...

AnthyR: HOLD UP!

Cell: ...

AnthyR: If you accept, you're out of a job! And I'll change this entire shrine into a Ginyu page!

Captain Ginyu: Yea! I say go for it!

Cell: ....

Wufei: Pathetic onna....

AnthyR: (grabbing onto Cell and sobbing) You can't leave Cell! I love you! I dedicated my entire being to making this site!!

Cell: (frowning)....You're getting me wet.

(AnthyR runs sobbing off the set)

Captain Ginyu: Hey! What did you do?!

Wufei: It's dishonorable to make a woman cry! Baka!!!!!

Cell: You fools! Do you think I care?! Now do your job and film me!

Captain Ginyu: Geez....you don't hafta yell....

Deer Cell why did you die when Gohan blast you, why didn't you regenerate like the other times. And Cell in DBGT how did you fused with Freeza, and how did you learned it


Captain Ginyu: Ewww...you fused with Frieza?!

Wufei: That's disgusting.

Cell: No you fools! I'm not even IN Dragonball GT as far as I know!! Where are you people getting this from!? And if I get another letter that has anything to do with that little fool Gohan I will personally destroy this earth!

Captain Ginyu: We don't have to worry about that. Gohan'll stop him again...just like he did when he was only eleven...

Cell: Ignorant fool! I demand that you show me the respect I deserve!

Captain Ginyu: ..I thought I was...


Suddenly AnthyR walks back in

Captain Ginyu: She's back!

Cell: Well ofcourse.

Wufei: Onna! Your show is falling apart.

Walking up to Ginyu, AnthyR aims the camera to Wufei. She then goes up to Cell and snatches the printouts away from him, handing them to a suspicious Wufei

AnthyR: You're the guest reader, so you should read the rest of the letters.

Cell: (angrily) Foolish girl! What do you think you're doing? This is MY show! And turn that camera back on me!

Captain Ginyu: Didn't you just say a few minutes ago that you weren't gonna read any more letters?

Cell: ....

Ignoring Cell, AnthyR takes a seat offset next to Ginyu

AnthyR: Alright, lets do this people.

Cell: Fine! But I'm still answering any questions that have to do with me. (crosses his arms angrily)

Wufei: ..hmph.


I was wondering why couldn't you be good. I mean 18 became good. I think you would make a great bad guy..but I changed my mind. AFTER YOU KILLED TRUNKS I NOW HATE YOUR GUTS!!!! WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO TRUNKS HUH?!?! ANSWER ME!!! YOU AIN'T NO PERFECT WARRIOR!!!!! I am. I mean..Trunks was just changing the timeline and you just had to go and kill him just to get me pissed huh?? GOOD THING YOU ARE IN THE HFIL!!!!! and good thing pikkon kicked your sorry butt with ease...perfect warrior PLAH!!!


Cell: (looking outraged)

Captain Ginyu: Boy. You just got the crap beat out of you by everyone...First Gohan, then Pikkon....

Wufei: This onna is right! He ISN'T Perfect, NOR can he be considered a Warrier!!!

Cell: Foolish human! How DARE you insult me?! And I highly doubt that you are a Perfect Warrier. Hmph! If Trunks wasn't so pathetic he wouldn't have gotten killed by me in the first place...(smirks) TWICE! Yes. That's right. I killed that lavender headed idiot more than once. Once in the future time-line, and once in the present...right after I did away with Goku if you'll remember. All you girls think that Trunks is something wonderful..well let me assure you that he is NOT!

Captain Ginyu: How would you know?

Cell: ....I just do, ok?

Wufei: ..baka.

Cell: Just finish the letters so I can leave. I have...things to take care of.

Captain Ginyu: What kinda things?

Cell: None of your business. Lets just continue.




Captain Ginyu: "Never Ending"??

Wufei: (sighing angrily) The baka means 'Infinately'!

Captain Ginyu: Oh.

Cell: Finally! A letter worth my time! Yes, it's true that I AM much stronger than everyone else on DBZ. Why, you ask? Because unlike them, I am Perfect. And yes, it's also true that I'm also quite handsome.

Wufei: This is sickening....

Captain Ginyu: I betcha he'll put this letter with the other ones that suck up to him.

Wufei: The baka alien has a letter collection?!

Cell: (ignoring Wufei) As for flying, it's quite simple. First, ofcourse, you'd have to have a ki ABOVE 5-10, which is average for most humans.

Captain Ginyu: I can't even sense Anthy's level.

Cell: That's because you can't even sense your own, you bafoon.

AnthyR: (suddenly looking up) Cell! Were you just defending me?

Cell: No.

AnthyR: ...


Why are you so mean to Captain Ginyu?!?! I think he is right. He did manage NOT to die by an eleven year old boy. And YOU are not PERFECT neither are you ULTIMATE!!! AND YOU KILLED TRUNKS!!! HOW COULD YOU!!!! AND I SAW THOSE INSULTS ABOUT HIM!!!! And are you sure you're a guy?!?! Oh and frieza is a gay old woman so technically you aren't a male. Back to the NOT perfect or ulitmate. Reason for that is I am THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR!!!!! AND I WANNA KNOW WHY YOU KILLED TRUNKS!!!! IF I WAS THERE WHEN YOU KILLED HIM I'D SLAP YOU SILLY!!! Please leave the great ideas to the great minds like myself. I can beat you in a matter of nanoseconds. AND I LIKE GINYU!!!! HE HAS THE RIGHT TO INSULT YOU B/C IT IS ALL TRUE. It's true it's damn true!!! I do think you're cute for a bug..but KILLING TRUNKS JUST WENT OVER MY BOILING POINT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and you're IQ is 3 considering you TRIED to beat gohan but failed, you KILLED TRUNKS, and you TRIED to kill vegeta but failed in that also. Evidently, what I'm getting at is that I HATE YOUR GUTS AND I HOPE YOU GET STRUCK BY LIGHTNING....and you still got your ass kicked by Pikkon in a second. GINYU YOU ROCK...KEEP UP THOSE INSULTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~Crystal (TrunksLuvR)

Cell: (clinching fists)

Wufei: Isn't this that same crazy-obsessed onna from a few letters ago?!

Captain Ginyu: (laughing) I like her alot! She's funny!

Cell: ALRIGHT! I AM GOING TO SETTLE THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL!!! FIRST of all, I insult Ginyu because he's an ignorant fool! If I stop now, how will he know much of a fool he is?

Captain Ginyu: HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cell: SECONDLY, Gohan did NOT defeat me! HOW MANY TIMES MUST I REPEAT THIS?! Yes, it MAY be true that he fought me with a one-handed Kamehameha wave, but his foolish friends were there helping him...GANGING UP on me, if you will. It was SUPPOSED to be a one on one fight. Those were the rules. Not ONLY did Goku himself interfere, but also those foolish excuses for fighters, Piccolo, Yamucha, Tien, and most of all Krillin! And if it wasn't for that fool Vegeta and his blasted Final Flash attack, I WOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN DEFEATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Captain Ginyu: Whoa...that's deep.

Wufei: Stupid baka...is he always like this?

AnthyR: (sighing)Only when he gets these kinds of letters....


Captain Ginyu: I dunno about that. She has a point. Frieza was sorta feminine and you do have his/her cells...-

Cell: QUIET! And anyway, 'Crystal', I highly doubt that you'd "slap me silly" as you so blatingly phrased it. I'd send you on a one way trip to The next dimension. And you HARDLY have a great mind if you're insulting ME of all people. And THAT, my friend, is TRUE!

AnthyR: Alright! This is not the WWF you know!

Captain Ginyu: hehe. I like Kurt Angle!

Wufei: He is a weak, dishonorable, baka!

AnthyR: Hey! Kurt Angle is cute! And so is the Rock, and OHHH! Can't forget about Triple H cuz he's the Game! Didja know he's supposed to be coming back on January 7th?! I'm so happy!

Wufei: Didn't he marry that spoiled, dishonorable, onna?

Captain Ginyu: I like Stephanie.

Cell: Listen! This is MY shrine and I won't have you talking about wrestling and such.

AnthyR: I guess it doesn't much matter. We're out of time anyway.

Wufei: Baka onna! You still have bunches of letters to read! (glares at the printouts)

Cell: (crosses arms) All I know is that they'd better not be insults to me.

Captain Ginyu: (laughing) I like reading peoples insults to you. It shows how much they hate you.

Cell: ...

Wufei: Baka. Was there any logic in what he just said?

Cell: Not a bit.

AnthyR: (Stands up infront of the camera) Well, thank you all for writing to Cell, and thanks for joining us here today. Also, I'd like to thank our very special guest star, Wufei for joining us here and for reading. Lets all give Wufei a hand! (claps enthusiastically)

Wufei: Stupid onna....

AnthyR: Now, since no one sent you any letters or questions, (glares at the camera) I have one of my own. (runs up and smacks Wufei upside his peanut head)

Wufei: OW! *#@%$!!!! Stupid Onna! What the CENSORED! was that for?!

AnthyR: I don't know about anyone else, but I for one would like to know WHY YOU KILLED TRIEZE!!!!!!!!!!!!! What did he ever do to you?!

Captain Ginyu: Trieze is DEAD?!

Wufei: He was a dishonorable leader!

AnthyR: Not only is he DEAD, but onna hater here had the NERVE to CRY after he killed him! As if he were SORRY or something.

Cell: Wait. He cried...and had the nerve to call me weak and dishonorable all through this show?

Captain Ginyu: Now THAT'S what I call dishonor....

Wufei: Bakas...what I do is NOTHING compared to you blood-thirsty fiends! I kill to protect and defend!

Cell: (glances at AnthyR)...did you know he was like this?

AnthyR: (nodds) Sure did.

Captain Ginyu: Anyone who watches Gundam Wing knows about Chang Wufei...not that I watch that show.

Cell: Ok....would you mind telling me why you invited him here?

AnthyR: Um......ehhe...I dunno....it seemed like a good idea at the time..

Wufei: You bakas are crazy! I'm leaving right now before something happens....

AnthyR: ...weakling.

Cell: Speak up, girl!

AnthyR: Welp, that's all the time we have for today folks...see ya next time! Wait up Wufei!

Captain Ginyu: HEY!!