Ah...the perfect close-up of the perfect face...

Perfect Cell

Welp, it's me again. The one and only AnthyR, here in this weirded Godforsaken place called H.F.I.L...or Home For Infinate Losers for all you peeps who don't know. How did I get down here, you ask? Well....it's a looong story. Lets just say that I'll do what I have to do for a meeting with the greatest villain of all time, even suck up to a couple of coniving seven year olds to get the dragonballs. Who's the greatest villain of all time, you ask? Well, I sure ain't talking about that gay Frieza, or that red-headed bafoon Racoom. Not even that cute little red Jeise. No, I'm talking about the greatest of them all, Perfect Cell.

I sit here outside the bars to his prison cell, waiting nervously for him to finally acknowledge me, and waiting for the moment when the love of my life finally got to meet his number one fan. What would he say? How would he react? Would he be blown away by my dazzling smile? Would he be totally charmed by me? Would he-

"Just who ARE you?"

Er...ok...so this meeting wasn't getting off to the exact start I'd planned. Ok. No sweat. I could handle it. I mean, he had no idea who I was, afterall. He had to get to know me, and once he did, he'd love me just the way I loved him...right? RIGHT?!

I extend my hand, fighting the urge to throw myself into his arms. (Which at this point was impossible seeing as how we were separated by the bars of the prison) "I'm AnthyR," I say, blushing furiously. He frowns, looking suspicious.

"What do you want?" Geez. This guy didn't waste ANY time did he? I mean, gosh! I'm a girl for heavens sake! He should atleast treat me like one!

"W-well....I was hoping we could talk...maybe along the lines of me asking a few questions...you answering them....," Like maybe me asking you to marry me, I think silently. He glares down at me.

"I don't have time for this." and he turns to leave. Boy! Being in the H.F.I.L must make you really grouchy or something... I mean, it's not like he had anything better to do. I mean, what was there to do in the H.F.I.L anyway? Chat with the other losers? C'mon!

"Wait! Cell!," I call after him. He was going...going....almost gone! I had to find a way to keep him here! I hadn't sucked up to certain devious 7 and 8 year olds for nothing! My time was limited! But what could I do? I stand there dumbly, watching the love of my life slip through my fingers and the chance of a lifetime go down the drain. Here was my ticket to hearing everything I'd ever wondered straight from the source. No one knew what was going on in Cell's head better than Cell himself. And half the time I don't even think he understood it, if where he'd ended up was any concilation. Alright. Think. I just had to think. What would possibly stop the almighty Cell in his tracks besides Gohan or Goku...um....um....

That's it!

I take a deep breath, preparing myself for what was either about to be the beginging of the greatest moment of my life, or the end of it. And then I cry out the words:

"I think you were way stronger than Gohan!"

And then I wait.

Now, keep in mind that this is a HUGE risk I'm taking. Who knew what kind of reaction he'd have? This is Cell we're talking about. There were a various number of ways he could react, thanks in part to the cells of all the different fighters and personalities he had within him. He could either laugh it off like Goku, make a sarcastic remark like Frieza, or just get plain pissed at the mention of Gohan's name....like Vegeta does towards Goku's.

I see him returning, hear the Ca-Ching! Ca-Ching! of his squeaky footsteps. I squeeze my eyes shut, sure that this is the end. And then he speaks.

"'Were'? Foolish human...I still am."

Well. Besides being called foolish, which I happily overlook since it came from Cell, I was now starting to get somewhere. I beam, causing his already dark frown to deepen. Ten minutes later, after much begging and pleading on my part, I finally get access inside Cell's cell...which he shared with those losers Frieza, King Cold, and the pathetic, now captainless Ginyu Force. Hmm. On the other hand, perhaps I should have just stayed on the outside of the prison bars... But, brave Cell lover that I am, I'm even willing to risk being in the company of these failed villain losers to get the full scoop on my boo.

Camera in hand, I happily skip behind Cell, (which is somewhat hard to do in heels), snapping pictures all the way. I take a seat directly in front of him, and, unfortunately, right beside a certain aristocratic King Cold, who stares down at me with unabashed curiosity.

"Ceeeelll," he whines, "Who is this girl? Is she to be our servant? Really. I haven't had a decent dinner in ages. And don't they have baths in this place?" God. The man whined more than me AND his brattish son...er...daughter.

"Really father!," Frieza replied somewhat testily, "The little brat is probably a prisoner like the rest of us." Hmph! He was calling me a brat?!

"Hey!," I cry out, "I'm no prisoner! And I'm not here to talk to any of you losers anyway! I'm here for the real deal....Perfect Cell!"

What possessed me to say such I thing I'll never know. All I could be sure of now were the various number of glares I was now recieving from these failed alien warriers. I scream and leap behind Cell's back, who laughs.

"My friends!," he exclaims, genuinely amused, "Don't get angry at the truth. The child is merely stating a fact! Of the seven of us here, it is clearly I who is the strongest, smartest, and the only person to EVER succeed in killing Goku!"

At the mention of Goku's name, Frieza is reduced to a wimpering infant.

"NO! Not him! NEVER SAY THAT NAME TO ME!" My eyes widen. Just what was his problem? I watch in shock as King Cold and the Ginyu force attempt, rather unsuccessfully too, I might add, to calm down a hysterical Frieza.

I glance up at Cell, who wears a look of complete disgust and annoyance as he watches the display. And I must admit, it was rather sickening. But who was I to complain? This was the perfect time to interview Cell uninterrupted.

Taking advantage of the situation, I turn towards the object of my affection, a wide and silly grin on my face. He frowns.

"What did you say your name was again?"

My smile faulters. How hard was it to remember two syllabols? Nevertheless, he's still my boo, and we're all entitled to mistakes, right? Even unforgivable mistakes like forgetting someones name. So I happily chirp it again.

"What sort of name is that?" His brow is furrowed in distaste.

I frown. "Ever heard of that anime, Revolutionary Girl Utena?" He stares at me blankly. I guess the H.F.I.L didn't have satalite or cable benifits.

"Anyway," I continue, "Everyone says I look and sometimes act like a character from that show called Anthy, so my pen name is AnthyR."

"And what does the R stand for?" OK, now I'm getting frustrated. I was supposed to be asking the questions here, not him! I tug at my skirt nervously, which I'd stupidly decided to wear. I'd wanted to look perfessional, but apparently in the H.F.I.L perfessionalism doesn't really matter all that much. Not when everyone was dead anyway.

"Anyway Cell, can we just continue?"

He shoots me a look that says, 'whatever', and crosses his arms. I stand there stupidly for a moment before he casts me an irritated glare.

"Well?," he exclaims almost impatiently. Geez. You'd think he'd be GLAD to get any visitors at all, seeing as how the only faces he'll be seeing for an eternity are losers. He should be nicer to me!! I was doing him a favor!!!

"Alright," I begin, "my first question is...." I pause, and he seems mildly interested, his now slightly hooded eyes studying me.

"Why do your feet squeak?"

He glares.

"What sort of question is that"?!

What sort of question?! What did he mean?

"Well," I begin seriously, "I think it's a very intellegent question..I mean, even when you were IMPERFECT, your feet still made that noise and I don't understand HOW. I mean...you're BIOmechanical...so doesn't that mean you're made of flesh and blood? So why do you squeak like a robot?"

His glare deepens and his eyes take on a suspicious look.

"Just who are you anyway?"

C'mon...hadn't we already been through this?

"And where's your halo? I thought all those who were dead had halos."

I smile. "Well y'see, I'm not dead." An odd expression crosses his face, and he looks at me strangely.

"So...Anthony...how did you happen to end up here?"

I cough. "Um...the names Anthy. And I just used the dragonballs to wish me here. Just for an hour, ofcourse." He seems confused for a moment and I can practically see the little wheels turning in his perfect head.

"So," he continues carefully, "there are Dragonballs again. And one needn't be dead to come here..." he seems to be talking to himself, deep in thought.

"E'lo mate!," a strange voice cuts in. I turn to see the litte cutie Jeice, who stands about an inch above me.

"Jeice!," I squeal. I had forgotten how handsome he was...and that accent of his was great too! He grins, yea, the original player of the Ginyu Force indefinately.

"What's a cute kid like you doing in a place like this?," he asks smiling. This was obviously some sort of alien pick up line, but I stupidly ignore it, noticing how light and fluffy his hair seemed. It framed his face so nicely..unlike Cell who HAD no hair....

Suddenly I feel my arm being grabbed roughly from behind, and I glance up to see a not too happy Cell scowling down on me. Didn't he have any other expressions?

"Didn't we have an interview?," he demanded looking annoyed. I nod meekly. He glances over at Jeice, who at the moment looked quite put out.

"Go away, you!" Cell orders, and with a mumble, Jeice retreats over with the other members of his team, who don't even attempt to stiffle their laughter. Man. Some friends. Poor Jeice.... I don't blame the guy. If I had to spend an eternity with those freaks, I'd latch on to any new face possible. I shake my head at the unfortunate alien.

"Poor Jeice.." I mumble.

"Are you quite finished?," Cell suddenly cuts through. I turn. Yes. I could do this. I was ready to have all my questions answered, and I would present them to the world..

"You will use the dragonballs to wish me out of here, understand?"

What?! I stare up at him blankly for a moment. This wasn't going the way I'd planned at ALL. I shake my head, confused, not quite understanding what he was saying.

"Huh? You mean me?" I stutter.

He rolls his eyes. "Ofcourse you, girl! Don't be absurd."

I shake my head slowly and look him straight in the eyes, refusing to be bullied. "I can't do that."

He glares. "Don't be absurd!," he exclaims again, "I know the rules of the Dragonballs! I've never been dead before, so I see no reason for you not to be able to!," he shakes his head. "Don't try my patience!"

Suddenly we're interrupted by a whining King Cold.

"Ceeeeeeell! Really. Must you be so loud? I'm trying to concentrate." Concentrate on what, I had no idea. I mean, what was there to do here? Besides the obvious nothing, that is.

Cell shoots the King a glare. "Silence! I take orders from no one!," then he turns back to me speaking almost urgently. "Listen, human. You will do this. Use the dragonballs and wish me back. Or DIE."

Now THERE was an option. He would kill me?! ME, his biggest fan? But then...he'd killed so many others..so why WOULDN'T he hesitate in killing me?

I glance about uneasily. There'd be no one to help me if he actually DID decide to attack me. I doubted King Cold or even Frieza would care. They'd probably be glad for the entertainment of watching someone die infact. And the Ginyu Force...if you could still call them that, they were no match for even Frieza, much less Cell. Not that they'd help me either.

I glance down at my watch. Drat! 15 more minutes left! I had to do some major sucking up or my goose was COOKED. I look up at Cell, who has that arrogant little smirk on his face. He could clearly see me weighing my options, I suppose, and it was quite obvious from my fearful look that I HAD no options.

"The choice is clear," Cell continues, smirking. "Do it, or die." I look at him closely.

"What would you do once you were back on Earth?," I ask, and he glares.

"It's none of your business! Insolent girl."

Hmph! How rude! He hadn't even given me my full interview! And he'd totally ignored my question about his feet. I stare down at them for a moment, noticing how yellow they are. Why didn't he have toes? But I suppose Perfection meant LOSING your toes. But if I were perfect, I'd want to keep my toes. And yet, even so, he'd managed to keep all his fingers. Funny how the stupidest thoughts came to you at the darnedest moments.

"Your time is running short, girl!" Cell is no longer smiling. Infact, he's looking very upset.

In his corner, Frieza begins to laugh. "Cell," he practically purrs. "Ofcourse, you won't forget about us will you?" I frown. I never liked that freak.

"That's right Cell, we're your friends," King Cold exclaims smiling. God. They were obviously sucking up. I glance meekly up at Cell to see what his expression is.

He looks vaguely amused.

"Why, ofcourse," he almost drawls. "I'd never leave my friends behind." He sounds suspiciously as if he's trying not to laugh. Yep. He was definately planning to ditch these losers. If he didn't kill them first. But...they were already dead, so....

Suddenly I smile. What was I doing?? I mean, I had the chance of a life time and I was letting it go down the drain, MAJORLY! Most girls would KILL to be in my position!!! I began to laugh and Cell, the Ginyu Force...even The Cold family look at me like I'm crazy.

"What's wrong with you?!," Cell demands. I shake my head, wiping the tears from my eyes. This could definately work to my advantage.

"Alright Cell," I began, and he looks at me strangely. "You win. I'm just no match for your perfect-ness." He continues to stare at me, however, and I shake my head. "I'll wish you back.

He frowns for a moment not seeming to be able to grasp the concept. And then he asks.

"..Why?"

Why? What kind of a question was that?! Now it's my turn to frown. "Didn't you threaten to kill me if I didn't?," I ask innocently. And he scowls, trying to figure out if I'm being smart with him.

"Don't try my patience!"

Alrighty then! I glance down at my watch. Two more minutes! By now, the Cold family and the Ginyu Force are doing some major celebrating.

"I'll finally get a decent baaath!!!," King Cold is whining.

"I'll destroy the earth like I should have done years ago!" Frieza smirks.

"I'll get a candy bar!," says Racoome the dufus.

Cell watches them silently with that amused smirk again on his face, and I almost feel sorry for the others. (Yes, even Frieza...well, maybe not.) Didn't they realize that Cell had only been using them? Guess not.

Suddenly without warning, Cell snatches my beloved camera away. I cry out. That was my only proof that the H.F.I.L actually existed! What was I gonna tell all my fellow class-mates now?!

"I'll hold onto this," Cell remarks coolly. "Perhaps you'll get it back when you wish me out of here." Before I can protest however, I suddenly began to fade, reappearing on a grassy slope next to 7 glowing dragonballs, a really pissed off dragon, and two very bored looking little boys.

"Aw! What took so long?," Goten asks, rushing up to me. Gosh but that little boy is cute! Just adorable! He just makes me want to grab him up in a hug.

"You idiot. That's how long an hour is," The creature called Chibi Trunks says. Hmph. This from a kid who didn't even know what a *Wizard was...

"Can it!," I snap angrily. I hate the way he treats little Goten... I sigh, suddenly rememebering Cell. I could just imagine him fuming already that I hadn't wished him back, the meanie! Why'd he have to take my camera? I mean, I'd have wished him back anyway... Unfortunately the eternal dragon chose this moment to start that infernal complaining of his.

"What is your wish!," It demanded testily.

Geez. Did he think I didn't know I still had two more wishes left? And why was he always in such a rush anyway? He couldn't possibly have anything else to do. But I decide to ignore his attitude problem... Atleast this time..

Alright, here goes. I take a deep breath and say slowly, "I wish for the being called Cell to be brought back..."

Trunks glares. "Hey!," he cries, "You said I could have a wish!" he glances at Goten. "Um..I mean, we...WE could have a wish..as in me AND Goten.." But Goten didn't notice his so called FRIEND'S gracious inclusion. He looked positively devistated.

"I wanted some toys!," Goten looks sad and I feel my heart melt. Poor little kid....

"Sorry guys," I begin pleadingly, "But I HAD to do this...this guy was gonna kill me!"

"So?" Trunks asks in the typical Vegeta fashion, crossing his arms. God he was such a brat. If only he wasn't about a gazillion times stronger than I was...I'd like to just-

Our conversation (and my evil thoughts) were put to a hault however, when evil sinister laughing appeared out of nowhere. We turned, to find a 7ft tall Perfect Cell standing before us, his arms straight down at his side, the usual arrogant smirk present on his face.

"I see you've foolishly kept your promise, silly girl!," he drawled. "Oh well. I thank you for wishing me back," he gave a slight bow. "Atleast you'll spend the last few moments of your pathetic life in the presence of Perfection!" He laughs again and I shoot him a surprised look. You mean to tell me that he was going to kill me anyway?! Hmph! Well that's gratitude for ya! Luckily for me I had two strong little pint-sized Super Saiyan bodyguards to protect me.

Trunks looked Cell up and down. "Who's this freak? Is he you're boyfriend or something?" I face vault.

"No you little brat!!!!," I scream when I'd regained myself. "He's trying to kill me!!!" Goten frowns.

"That's not very nice..." he begins slowly. I grin happily. I KNEW little Goten would atleast come through for me!! Just like Goku would do! Cell's eyes narrow suspiciously at the little boy. Uh oh. I watch uneasily as his frown grows deeper and deeper, finally turning into a hateful glare.

"You!," he cries furiously. Goten and Trunks jump back, a little startled by his sudden outburst.

"How DARE you show your face around me, you...you....child!!!!!!," he finishes. I can already see a pale aura of ki forming around him. Trunks and Goten watch him uncertainly.

"What do you mean, Mister?," Goten chirps innocently.

Trunks rolls his eyes. "What did you do THIS time, Goten?," he wondered aloud. I sigh. I should have known something like this would happen.

"Listen Cell," I begin slowly, "This isn't Gohan." His eyes cut swiftly to mine. "You've been dead for over seven years, y'know.." He stiffens. Obviously the 'Perfect' being didn't know this little peice of information.

At the mention of Gohan's name, Goten perks up. "That's my big brother!!," he cries proudly. Trunks shakes his head. "You mean the dork..." he mumbles, and for once I silently agree. But Goten hears.

"MY BROTHER IS NOT A DORK!!!!," he cries, close to tears. Trunks shrugs. Cell just sort of stands there, a confused look on his face, lost in his own thoughts.

"He is too," Trunks replies, arms crossed.

"IS NOT!!!," Goten screams, his little fists clinched.

"Is too," Trunks replies calmly.

"S'NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Somewhere in the midst of this chaos I'm thinking. Now that Cell is back, what's to stop him from taking revenge on the world? I mean, Goku was DEAD, Gohan was a nerd, Vegeta was...well, Vegeta was Vegeta..not to mention the fact that he'd probably kill me for wishing the guy back in the first place... I still had one more wish left with the dragon..but..for some reason I didn't want to wish him BACK to being dead...I mean...the guy was cute!!!!! A killer, but cute non-the-less...I had to do something..and fast. I look over at him, still watching the two kids in their verbal war. Well, I certainly wasn't going to wait around until he got ready to kill me! Turning to the still impatiant dragon, I blurt out my wish.

"I wish..." Cells suddenly notices the dragon. "I wish for Cell to remain alive unless he kills someone and then he has to be sent back!!!!!!!!!," I take a breath. Cell's Ki flares.

"WHAT?!"

But the wish has already been said. The Eternal dragon's eyes glow red and there is a flash of light.

"NO FAIR!!!!," Trunks screams.

"Your wish has been granted..." the dragon exclaims in it's usual dreary way. And then it disappears. The dragonballs scatter, and everything is back to normal.....

Almost.

Cell rushes over and furiously grabs me by the collar of my neck.

"Insolent CHILD!," he hisses viciously, "How DARE you?!" He holds a ki filled hand up to my face, preparing, no doubt, to blast me to smitherines. I squeeze my eyes shut and silently pray. This was it..I just knew it. This was the end. But...well..atleast I was being destroyed by the love of my life. However, that particular thought didn't bring much comfort.

Suddenly little Goten speaks.

"You can't hurt Anthy-san!!!!!," he cries, squeezing his chubby hands into tiny fists. It almost brought a tear to my eye. Brave little Goten, loyal to the end.

Trunks huffs.

"You're even dumber than he is," he says to Cell, gestering towards a teary Goten. Cell doesn't even turn around, but pauses nevertheless, still glaring furiously down at me.

"Didn't you hear the wish?," Trunks continues casually. "If you kill her, you'll die too. Actually if you kill ANYBODY you'll die. But you knew that already, didn't you? So ofcourse you don't need me to tell you." I open my eyes just in time to see the lavender headed boy's self righteous smirk. A smirk so like Vegeta's that it was almost scary. Good 'ol Trunks...I suppose the little brat wasn't so bad afterall...

Cell whips around, staring incredelously down at the boy and leaving me dangling rather painfully from his hand. He turns back to me, his eyes holding a dangerous glint. "Is this true?," he demands, shaking me roughly and bringing my face inches from his own.

"Um...dunno?," I squeak meekly.

Nearby, Trunks gives a dry laugh. "Ofcourse it's true. She's just too scared to admit it. I don't know why, though. My dad could take you no sweat." At this, Cell abruptly drops me and turns to face the boy. I land painfully, and with a thud, on the ground below.

"HEEEEEY!," I whine, "I'm much too delicate for this sort of treatment!" Oh great. Now I'm starting to sounding like King Cold, the prick! But Cell ignores me, concentrateing for the first time on the lavender-headed Trunks. No doubt he's noticing the little boy's stance: body straight, arms crossed, legs apart. And that smirk... And the way his eyebrows pointed perpetually downward. Nobody had eyebrows like that....no one except-

"Vegeta!" Cell now looked outraged. "You mean that fool has a child?!" He looked disgusted at the thought, and for some reason this struck me as funny. Goten laughed as well.

"You make funny faces, Mister!" he exclaimed innocently, seeming to forget that this person was threatening to kill me less than a few seconds ago. Trunks looks pissed.

"Hey! You can't talk about my dad like that, you stupid bug!!," and he instantly turns Super, delivering a swift upper kick to Cell's chin before blasting wildly off into the sky...no doubt to tell his father about this little incident. I sigh.

"Truuuuunks!!!!!!!!!!!," Goten whines, "wait for me!!!!," and he hurries off after him, leaving me alone with an unstable bio-mechanical android back from the dead. Meanwhile, Cell is just standing there, looking both bewildered and furious at his current situation, which was definately less than perfect. Yep. It's a hard knock life.

I suddenly remember something. Cell was here, but.....

"Hey! Where's my camera, you jerk?!"